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That's the fear right? That you can never really know person and a person can never really know you.
No matter how hard you try you don't get to bear yourself enough to have that person see your life through your own eyes.
This is my unique universe and I slowly discover planets day by day.
I will never know it's unending expanse.
And yet I will never step on the hallowed ground of your own world.
We are fractal infinities unto ourselves.
Unending and yet nothing to one another except through waves of sound.
decades too late.
The great hits of yester-year, fuzzy and incomplete in a language we will never know.
Alone, electric glow 
Static snow, in the lobby 
No TV, magazines 
Waiting skin hides me 
From the sting, paper sheath 
Blood warm in the IV
The worry in the sheets
All the nurses reassure me
It will be quick and easy
I'm not gonna feel a thing
Lying, say it will be alright
Like a baby falling asleep

Cause I'm so good at hurting myself

Pulse is slow
Faint metronome on my left side
Beneath my protruding spine
You can hardly hear the knife
Lying flat, blind on
Covering my sunken eyes
And the line rightful
Aimed at my sick mind

Cause I'm so good at hurting myself
In my dreams I drive right off the St. Thomas Bridge into the ocean 
All the twinkly lights tell me I shouldn't have
Oh how I 'shouldn't have'
and a song plays in my head that says 'oh how you've grown'.
I'm too shaky to make it through the days.
One right after the other.
An endless marathon of checked off calendar dates.
Goals I don't choose myself.
Reasons I don't have.

There was this moment today where an angry stakeholder who sat next to me said 'You won't have your job by the end of the week'.

Two things came to mind at the same-time:
1. A David Sedaris line "I'm going to have you fired' Just like that. 'I'm going to have you fired" From the Santaland Diaries
2. How wonderful would it be to be free?

That glimmer of relief scared me. So here I am with a dog who chews through my birth control patches and eats all the underwear that matches.

I'm going to have you fired.
I stub my toe on the way to something I never intended.
and maybe I'm straddling the line between what is expected and what is expressive of who I am.
Who everyone falls in love with, the broken me that I think is me.

Maybe I'm drunk in a way that no one at work gets to see.
The composed and together version.

All that energy I expend to become the shell you see at the end of the day


You poor soul you. Having to humpty dumpty it back together with none of the benefit of me in a pantsuit.

Maybe I'm too selfish to care enough to stop.

Grab some popcorn and at least enjoy the show.
That's the fear right? That you can never really know person and a person can never really know you.
No matter how hard you try you don't get to bear yourself enough to have that person see your life through your own eyes.
This is my unique universe and I slowly discover planets day by day.
I will never know it's unending expanse.
And yet I will never step on the hallowed ground of your own world.
We are fractal infinities unto ourselves.
Unending and yet nothing to one another except through waves of sound.
decades too late.
The great hits of yester-year, fuzzy and incomplete in a language we will never know.

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:iconainslaight:
ainslaight Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
Hello.
Reply
:iconwickedkat:
wickedkat Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011
Hello indeed.
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Hidden by Owner
:iconstart-static:
start-static Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008  Hobbyist Interface Designer
I'm not sure if I ever thanked you for that watch? (I'm so sorry about how late this reply is, also - I've been a little snowed under!)

But here's my very belated thank you!
:heart:

Have a splendid day!
(Nice gallery too! Quite the awesome!)
Reply
:iconwickedkat:
wickedkat Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008
Well thank you for your splendid galla!
-Kat
Reply
:iconstart-static:
start-static Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2008  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Well aren't you just a bit lovely?
:heart:
Reply
:iconjust4fun31:
just4fun31 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2008
Thank you :blackrose:
Reply
:iconwickedkat:
wickedkat Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2008
np, you have a wonderful gallery, very creative.
-Kat
Reply
:iconjust4fun31:
just4fun31 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2008
Thank you for the wonderful words:huG:
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